Heather is losing 100 lbs again

Tis the season to be stressed out

2008-12-08T16:53:00.000-08:00

ooohh no! Has it really been over a month since I've posted! oh my.

I have not given up! I have just been swamped since before Thanksgiving. This is a very busy time of year in the newspaper world. Then, of course, there were the layoffs. 16 people at my paper were let go. The Powers That Be warned us back before Halloween, and didn't do the nasty deed until last Tuesday. Talk about ghoulish....

My stress eating problem came back with a vengeance. One co-worker had already broken out the Russell Stovers by 9:30 AM. That day I was able to resist until the afternoon, but sister, nothing soothes like a chocolate. Any chocolate.

I was pretty disappointed in myself. I thought I had conquered stress eating, but no.

I'm hanging in there during this crazy festive eating season. I'm trying to watch it, but also not going fanatic about it.

Haunted by Old Heather

2008-11-04T17:25:00.000-08:00

How was Halloween? yeah, I know-that was days ago! Been busy this week. My man just got back from a loong business trip, so we were getting re-acquainted. Celebrating!

We love seeing the little kids in their cutie pie costumes. Randy bought the candy on Friday, since I refused to be alone in the house with it. He bought bags and bags of Snickers, Butterfingers, Almond Joys, 3 Musketeers, but no Twix-thank Goodness! Unfortunately, we still have most of it! We only had about six small groups of trick or treaters. So sad. I guess all the kids in our neighborhood have grown up and are attending their own parties.

I had two each of the Almond Joys and the Snickers. AAhhhh, chocolaty heaven! Is it just me, or do the bite sized Snickers taste better than the real 8 point candy bar? Randy threw away the bag the candy came in, so "Darn It!" I couldn't count it-but I approximated each one at one point.

And that set the stage for a not so strict weekend. I'm proud to say I resisted more candy bars, but said yes to other things. Like the Zaxby's chicken wings Sat afternoon. Like Bud Light Limes after dinner that same night. Like a chicken chimichanga on Sunday evening. Zoiks!

Oooh, then at the movies on Sunday, I packed my own Orville Redenbacher 100 calorie kettle corn pop corn. We got a coupon for free popcorn, so that was "Randy's." Hahahahaha!!! And of course it tasted light years better than mine, so I ate my bag and about half of his bag with the irresistible butter. Man! A haunting by the old Heather. Must exorcise her now!!

My WW weigh in was tonight, and I only lost 0.6, so let that be a lesson to me. Go easy on the candy and the Bud Light Limes, and $1 Twizzlers at the movie theater. (5 for 3 points) I will be taking the rest of the candy bowl in to work tomorrow morning. Party for them!!

I was tagged-6 things You probably didn't want to know

2008-10-22T17:38:00.000-07:00

So I need to write six things about myself that don't involve food. Hmmmmmm

I'm very nervous about answering the phone. I usually let the machine pick it up-we don't have Caller ID. The mystery of who it is is not strong enough to overcome the fear that it's someone I don't want to talk to, and I have to tell them something they don't want to hear. When we were kids there were no beepers or even answering machines. When the phone rang, you had to answer it. My dad was a medical technologist and was often called back to the hospital to perform tests on emergency patients. We were always instructed-ordered!- to say he was out at the store and we'd tell him as soon as he got home. That dread of a ringing phone has stayed with me. Reactionary Heather feels: Ringing phone means, I've gotta lie, believably.

I wanted to be a writer when I was a little kid. I tried short stories, poetry, jokes and fantastical autobiographies (I grew up to marry John McEnroe and we both won the Wimbledon Singles titles, crushing Bjorn Borg and his wife Marianna.) None of my compositions ever really worked. I thought it was because I have zero talent. Now I realize I just had NO life experience. Nothing to draw from. I spent my teens locked in my bedroom listening to the radio and reading about other people's adventures. But that dream of being a writer has come true now that I have my own blog. yay!

I wish I could travel more. I'd love to explore Paris and London and Rome-any city in Europe. My favorite vacation was to New York City in 1996. I'd love to go back there. It was unbelievably fun to see all those famous streets and landmarks that I recognized from tv and movies. (I should also mention that I proudly strutted down Broadway wearing size 10 jeans.) We even spent an hour on the roof of the World Trade Center. I didn't appreciate it at the time, but I'm glad my ex-husband insisted we visit it.

I used to work the second shift and got home at 1 AM. During the holidays, I loved turning on the tv every night and watching It's a Wonderful Life. I never knew how old George would be when I stepped into the story, and when it finished I could change the station and there he'd be again. Hot dog!! I miss being able to see George Bailey non-stop at Christmas time! I still watch my dvd frequently and it still makes me cry, every single time. Back then, I used to cry because George never made it out of Bedford Falls to pursue his dreams of traveling and building skyscrapers. Nowadays I cry because he didn't appreciate his life and because he finally does realize how wonderful it was and is-- before it's too late.

I am almost completely talent free. No singing, dancing, literary, acting, drawing, photographic, sculpting, painting, nor designing gifts. No mathematical, scientific, philosophical, grammatical, entrepreneurial talents. Nada. My sole attributes are the ability to test well (yeah, not too handy once I graduated) and a great love of studying. Which I guess "love of" isn't really a talent, either! Weird huh? I guess I could also throw in there that I appreciate others' artistic expressions very much. After seeing an art exhibit, I wish that instead of a gift shop, there was a small studio where we could go and attempt some inspired artwork ourselves. Even if it was just crayons and newsprint. I often try to create my own artwork at home, but it usually ends badly.

And number six should be obvious: I am ridiculously addicted to tv and movies. So much so that I do not refer to the shows as My Stories, but rather as "My tv friends." Each night Randy jokes, "What tv friends are coming over?" I always laugh as I run down the Mon night sitcoms or identify which CSI we'll be viewing. He is so sweet to indulge my embarrassing passion. I'm a very lucky woman!

Compliments

2008-10-20T18:23:00.000-07:00

woooo! I could live on a good compliment for three days. I think Mark Twain said that. I know that is true for me. I usually keep them close in my heart for weeks.

Now that my 38.4 pound loss is beginning to show, I was complimented a few times last week. Yay!

One sweet co-worker saw me in the hall and said, "Oh, you got some new jeans. I've been praying you'd get some new pants. I was afraid they were gonna fall off 'ya." I laughed and assured her that they were always tightly cinched.

Another co-worker called out to me as I was walking by, "Heather, you look beautiful today. Your hair's all dark and you're wearing pink and your cheeks are all rosy. Just beautiful." woow! I'm starting to blush. I'm not used to any kind of compliments, let alone such specific ones, so I ate it right up. I gave him a quick half-hug. "Maybe we should go out sometime," I could barely get that out before we roared with laughter. Both of us have Serious Boyfriends.

It's funny how a compliment can change your mind about how you look. I wasn't feeling particularly confident about my appearance on either of those days, but both those wonderful people made my day.

Overall, I have been feeling better about my looks lately. I tried on many, many tops at Beall's last Saturday. Surprisingly, only about 60% of them looked crappy on me, way down from the usual 98%. (Hence my tiny wardrobe.)

The odd part is that even though I feel I look better, I know that many others don't see it that way. Friends can see my recent improvements. And thank God, they mention it.

But if I ran into someone who hadn't seen me since the Massive Re-gain, he or she would think I look terrible. And of course the strangers at the mall think I'm just a big fat middle-aged lady.

And each of us is correct. I look better than I did 6 months ago, but not as good as I could/will and certainly not as good as I used to back in the day (for 15 minutes.) Could beauty really be that relative? *Gasp* Could it be in the eye of the beholder??

I often think about a special I saw on Princess Diana. The reporter said that she was quite insecure about her appearance and suffered and agonized over it for most of her life. I was floored. How could Princess Di possibly think she was an ugly duckling? How could she NOT see what everyone else in the world saw? And if she could be so wrong about herself, maybe I could be a little wrong about myself. Maybe I should be a little kinder to that moon pie face staring back in the mirror.

I love a Food Festival or two!

2008-10-19T14:54:00.000-07:00

I went to two food festivals this weekend!! Just what every Weight watcher should be doing!

The first was the scrumptious Greek Food Festival Friday night. I ate my week old Garden veggie soup at lunch to save points, and I was starving when we arrived. Not the best plan of action, I'll admit.

My best friend Michele and I had to stand in 2 long lines to get the veggie platter-but it was worth it. We had a small Greek salad, green beans, orzo and spanakopita, a spinach pastry (good) and a tiropita or cheese pastry (0ohh yeah!) and one piece of baklava for dessert. 4+2+4+9+4=23. whoa! I just now guesstimated that. I'm surprised!

The second was the Stone Crab Festival on Saturday afternoon. I just sampled just a bit of stone crab--it was certainly yummy, but a bit pricey. I have been spoiled by the Alaskan King Crab legs, and nothing else can compare! I'm saving my pennies and points for that this Christmas. On the way back we stopped at a local seafood restaurant and enjoyed some broiled shrimp and a hush puppy. Sorry, this is beginning to read like a food porn site. yikes!

The best part of the SCF was all the walking we did. We walked through the St. Marks Fort and around the boardwalk. We traipsed through the town, laughing and enjoying the cool weather. I am so pleased to finally have some good exercise news. We even walked Michele's dogs around her neighborhood later that evening. Sshhh! don't tell my furry kids-they are the jealous types.

good news and bad news

2008-10-15T17:39:00.000-07:00

Yaaay! I did manage to lose weight on vacation. Yippee!! I was down 1.4 for a total of 38.4 lbs.

But I'm still not exercising. I did take one baby step. I pulled out my old exercise videos. Wow! Nice to see my old buddies Richard Simmons, Susan Powter, Kathy Smith, and a couple of new-ish yoga videos. I remember napping while previewing one of those yoga workouts (from the couch, natch.) There was also a never watched Abs of Steel and Crunch Fat Blaster PLUS. hoo boy!

Last time around I did Sweating to the Oldies 1 every single day-even Sundays. I also vividly remember the three days of thigh agony when I started it at about 265 lbs. I later gave that one to a friend. I also remember worrying that its replacement Susan Powter's Lean, Strong and Healthy would not "work" and that I'd stop losing weight. Superstitious much?

Then I almost bought another video at the WW meeting last night. It was only $5!!! This could be The One. It will inspire me to get moving! I can already see 3 lbs melting off each week. This could be the key that changes everything. These exercise fantasies are making me a bit light headed.

But somehow, I never hear the ear-shattering barks of my Border Collie, nor the yelps of our two Boston Terriers that I will step on and fall over as a I lumber about our teeny living room. I can get used to that. HA! Never mind that's the #2 reason why I never use our treadmill. I am getting this bargain video! I must!

But a vision of the stack of 8 vhs tapes on the endtable stops me cold. Hope like this is a sickness!!

Garden soup bummer

2008-10-13T18:15:00.001-07:00

Well, happy Monday! Returning to work did not kill my vacation buzz.

I made some of that WW 0 point Garden soup on Friday. Or should I say cabbage soup? hoo boy! Lots of work but not much flavor. A classic illustration of why I dread (and regularly avoid) cooking. Lots of effort for far too small a reward. I've only choked down one bowl so far. And the kitchen still smells like garlic!

Any suggestions on how to punch up the flavor? I did use chicken broth. I was thinking maybe some sort of tomato flavoring?

Still not exercising :(

2008-10-09T10:08:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's Thursday already!! The stay-cation is heavenly. Doing lotsa crafty things I never make time for in real life.

Had a fabulous dinner with friends last evening at Little Italy. I prepared for my no-guilt splurge by eating an all veggie lunch of tomatoes (from our garden, I brag!), sugar snap peas, and English cucumbers. The delightful manicotti was 12 points-ish. I even had a big bite of cheesecake.

I am disappointing myself by not exercising. I was hoping to get a routine down this week. Hoping doesn't get it done! I find walking the mall to be so annoying. Too many empty-handed zombie consumers to sidestep.

Back in the day, I loved strength training at the Y. I'd like to go back, but feel self-conscious, of course. Last time I waited for the 199 milestone to join. Maybe I'm already close enough. After all, how often do you find an exercise that you love???

2008-10-08T08:07:00.000-07:00

Good news: I didn't have to ask about the 16 week sticker-the receptionist asked me. phew! I was thrilled to find it is a charm and not a sticker. I put it on my 10% key ring, right next to the 25 lb weight/dumbbell/washer (not really sure what it is.)

Great news: I lost 1.4 this week-a total of 37 lb so far.

I stared WW on June 17 at 269. Not my worst weight ever, I am happy to report.

My best week was week 2, losing 5.8. It falls right off if I don't drink 2 beers and eat a big bowl of Blue Bell every night.

Most of the other weeks have been in the 1.4 to 2.2 range.

I have had a couple of 3 lb weeks lately. I'm pretty sure last week's 3 lbs was a result of wearing smaller jeans to weigh in. Bravo! I can wiggle into cheap jeans at the big box stores again!!

I'd like to graph my progress, but not sure how. I like those cute little tickers, but my techie confidence is 0.

I could tell my story on Oprah

2008-10-07T11:07:00.001-07:00

Tonight is my WW meeting. I think I'm getting my 16 week sticker. Last week was actually week 16, but I was not rewarded at celebration time. So I'll politely ask the receptionist about it tonight. Another lesson in assertiveness.

35.6 lbs in 16 weeks is pretty sweet. It averages out to 2.2 lbs. per week, but I recall waaay more 1.2 weeks than 2.2's.

I spent this morning filling out a "Be on the show" form for Oprah. It's right up my alley-"Did you fall off the weight loss wagon?" oh yeah! So I told my story in 2000 characters or less-which required much deleting of witty commentary. But good practice for this blog. No need to make every entry epic!

I'll let you know if I hit the Oprah lotto. ;)

I'm gonna lose weight on vacation

2008-10-06T12:52:00.000-07:00

So today is the first official day of my trendy Stay-cation.

This is my first vacation since starting WW in June. It's a week of unstructured time before me. How delicious! I am delirious with plans and projects, so I'm not worried that abandoning my humdrum routine will throw me off program. In the past when I've not had enough to occupy myself, I would eat my way through the hours. Handfuls of M&M's as I paged through O mag. or a tidy pile of Dove chocolates as I surfed. Even vacuuming the floors called for an ice cream snickers.

What makes this stay-cation so different? Therapy.

I have been seeing a counselor (LCSW) since Dec. Best Move Ever!! Eileen is an excellent listener and really helps me see how ridiculous some of my thought processes are, in the nicest possible way! Just examining my reaction to events and interactions has helped me to feel better. (Is it going to ruin his week if I pick a restaurant For Once instead of saying, "wherever you wanna go"? Is the piss-poor service or the tiny buffalo wings my fault, really?) Dumb, but those are a couple of my shadow beliefs.

In fact, if I hadn't gotten help, I'm sure I would not be in WW today. Even in January, the very Thought of going back to WW and the agony of counting points and obsessing about food I could not eat was just too exhausting. Not to mention the torture of getting into sweats and strolling the mall. I wanted to lose weight, but didn't feel it was worth the effort. I wasn't worth it.

No self-esteem=no weight loss.

By slowly learning that I am within the bell curve of normal, or at least can learn new ways to think like a normal person, I have begun to build some self-confidence. Some backbone, even. (oh MY!)

And the odd part is, I've never discussed weight loss in therapy. It's just a marvelously unexpected side effect.

I hope blogging isn't as hard as picking the title

2008-10-05T14:31:00.000-07:00

I was paralyzed when it asked me to name this blog. Already?! How could I possibly know what to call it so soon? I wanted something smart and laugh-out loud "funny cause it's true." Yeah, good luck with that. Then this title popped into my head. It is a precise summation of my uniquely embarrassing story. Like that six word life-story website.

Yeah, Tell the truth for once! Let it All Hang Out. Accountability. Go for it!

I regretted it instantly. As soon as I finished typing, my mind rallied:

15 Minutes of Thin

The Prodigal Dieter Returns

Heather eats less and exercises more

Heather-wise and pound foolish

Yo-Yo diethood

A fat chick sitting around, writing 'bout herself

But now that I've slept on it, I do like the title. It reflects me perfectly.

Proud and regretful

Ridiculously optimistic

Neurotically compartmentalized self confidence that comes from having already won this battle once, however briefly.

A self-deprecating zinger, because a sarcastic laugh is the only way I can bear to tell the truth, esp. about myself.